Humor Articles

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 7th January 2008 @ 10:46 PM

A house is the biggest investment most of us will make. That's why my husband and I spent the first six years of our marriage in an apartment. Looking back, it was six years of someone else fixing things, six years of someone else mowing the lawn and six years of someone else paying the taxes. Nevertheless, one son and a pregnancy later, we decided we were throwing money out the regularly washed window. The money we were spending to rent an apartment could be spent to buy a house - so we bo... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 7th January 2008 @ 2:53 PM

Whenever Linus was in the Peanuts comic strip, he had his security blanket with him; but not all security blankets are blankets. Mine is an outfit - leggings and a long top. They're formal pajamas I can wear anywhere that's not formal. When I'm in my public pajamas, I think I can handle anything. If I can't, at least I'm ready to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. Some people think I pull the covers over my head when it comes to security systems. Se... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 3rd January 2008 @ 8:35 PM

The older we get, the more we talk about our health. I talk about yoga and I make myself practice it fifteen minutes every morning. This is meant to make my body more flexible, but there are times when my husband thinks I should be practicing yoga for my mind. My husband goes to the gym every day. I go three days a week to work out with weights. This is meant to increase bone mass, but there are days when I think increasing my own mass would be an easier way to work out with weight. ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 2nd January 2008 @ 8:20 PM

As children we're taught not to talk to strangers. Maybe that's why we don't talk in elevators. Instead we watch the floor numbers change. If that's so fascinating it makes us speechless, there are a few politicians I wish would ride elevators more. According to my grandmother, a few kind words can turn someone you don't know into a friend. It's worked for me with neighbors and co-workers. It's worked with people I see regularly and people I've met... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 3:47 AM

Like many other Americans I was once a slave to stuff. I had more than I needed. No more. I owe my enlightenment to being junk dealer. I have to come clean and admit that I dealt with pallets, pickups, box vans and even warehouses full of the flotsam and jetsam of America. I was a weekend warrior. It all started with the wife wanting to turn her hobby into a job. So instead of watching ball games on the weekends like other guys I get to drive her International truck and haul junk... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 28th December 2007 @ 11:58 PM

How many people go to open houses as potential buyers and how many go because they're curious? I go to buy - into new ideas for my own home. There may be a for sale sign in the front yard; but inside the message is that dust never falls, mildew never grows and dishes never pile up in the sink. Right. That's why Cinderella's castle is in Fantasyland. Another open house phenomenon is that trash doesn't exist. Because I find this fascinating, I look for trash rec... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 27th December 2007 @ 8:49 PM

Gadgets are guy things. Maybe it's in their genes - or maybe it's just in their blue jeans. My guy loves digital cameras. I don't because I don't like having my picture taken. Maybe it's because I'm part American Indian and I feel like my soul is being taken. Of course, you'd think something that could take my soul could take my wrinkles too. You'd think I could get with the twenty-first century, but not being mechanically inclined continua... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 26th December 2007 @ 8:42 PM

It's been a long time since United Airlines had ads showing O. J. Simpson running through airports. Since then it's the rest of us who've been running for planes. Since then O.J's runs have been from ... the law. We have to run to allow extra time to park in lots that are farther away, extra time to get through increased security and extra time to buy food to eat on food-challenged flights. We have to run to be at the gate twenty minutes before our flight is scheduled... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 25th December 2007 @ 4:59 PM

Winter is my least favorite season. I'm a transplanted New Englander. I live in Los Angles because I don't do cold well. December through March about all I can handle is a cold shoulder from a cold-hearted purveyor of cold cuts. My family, however, still lives in New England. I love them in spite of that shortcoming, but it definitely wasn't my idea to visit them in December. In fact, many of my memories of the visit are still in cold storage. Dress warmly when yo... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 25th December 2007 @ 3:21 AM

Supposedly love makes the world go around. If that's true, we need more love to make it go around peacefully. In China people are given a holiday to procreate. Maybe - like so much else - the solution for more love is being "Made in China". Cynics would say money makes things happen. It makes the lights go on in our houses and on Broadway. It puts gas in our cars, as well as in limousines. Some say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can buy solutions for lots of unh... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 25th December 2007 @ 1:45 AM

When I was growing up, stores were closed on Sundays - which put the run in errands. Today's different. Today's 24/7 and there's time to walk. Once a week I walk to the farmer's market - the land of fresh vegetables, free-range eggs and raw nuts. Once a week I buy food to compensate for the packaged, frozen and take-out food my family usually eats. Actually, I don't need to go to the farmer's market every week. I've discovered that fresh food can'... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Sunday, 23rd December 2007 @ 9:55 PM

Baseball cards and comic books; Betty Boop and Beanie Babies - and anything decorated with cartoon characters - what's in one day is at a garage sale the next and then on E-bay as collectibles. Hummers were in until rising gas prices made hybrids the politically correct car. I drive a car that's almost forty years old. I don't drive it far and I don't drive it fast, but for twenty years I've driven what's in - the garage. Because fashions are in and ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Sunday, 23rd December 2007 @ 8:51 PM

I don't like the word late. I'd much rather be called tardy. It sounds less thoughtless, less selfish, less all about me. For me it's all about wanting to finish A before starting B so I can get to C. I'm so determined to get things done I lose track of time. When I look for it, it's gone. As a child I laughed at the White Rabbit as he ran through the pages of Alice in Wonderland yelling, "I'm late! I'm late - for a very important date!"... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 18th December 2007 @ 8:19 AM

Pavlov programmed dogs to salivate when he rang a bell. Humans are programmed too. Walking, talking, toilet training, asking for allowance - it starts when we're children. When we're children, parents try to instill those three, little words - please and thank you - into our vocabularies. Whenever a child wants something or is given something, parents ask "What do you say?" I wonder what children would say if they were expected to learn from their parents' example.... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Sunday, 16th December 2007 @ 7:53 AM

Nostalgia is a longing for something far away or long gone - like the good old days. People talk fondly about times when things weren't rushed or stressed or expensive. Maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder - and the memory hazier. Back then - whenever then was - people didn't rush as much because they didn't have as many places to go. They stressed less because pharmaceutical companies didn't describe hard work as stress and things cost less because people couldn't ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 7:04 AM

When you think pollution, you're thinking dirty thoughts - but not just about the environment. Our language becomes less pure every day. Being anxious about it used to mean you were worried; but because so many people used the word incorrectly, now saying you're anxious can mean you're eagerly wishing for it. Does that mean an eager beaver is worried? Gossip is language that dirties peoples' reputations. It's like manure. It's spread and it stinks. If gossip... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 6:59 AM

Lists are for forgettables. When I was a newlywed, however, the one for the supermarket was more about what not toA get in order not to go over budget. If it wasn't listed, we couldn't afford it - unless it was tissues or toilet paper. We always needed those and they never spoiled. When I travel, I always have a checklist. Everything I've taken anywhere is listed. All I have to do is cross off what I don't need for a particular trip and decide how many of what's ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 6:58 AM

There's no way to keep sand out of the house when you live by the beach, but the beach is why we moved here. I tell my family a little sand underfoot is homey. In the summer the beach is a magnet. People come for a day in the sun and by the end of the day I can tell which ones came without sunscreen. They come to release their inner child, as well as the children who've been in the back seat of an SUV repeatedly asking, "When are we going to get there?" Unfortunately, t... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 6:57 AM

Little things mean a lot - that's inspirational motivation. When I was a little girl, I was afraid of the dark. My grandmother told me sunset was Mother Nature's way to say goodnight. That was inspirational motivation for me to be brave about going to bed. Unfortunately, when Daylight Saving Time came, it stopped working. Mother Nature got to stay up later than I did. When I was growing up, I was taught please and thank you were little things that meant a lot. They were magic w... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 6:55 AM

Hopefully confessing bad habits makes us better people. My first confession is spell check had to remind me habit is spelled with one "B". According to behavioral scientists, it takes three weeks to "change the way you do something" and to be successful you have to replace the bad way with a good way. That was the way I dated when I was a teenager. Although John was the last, date replacement, my husband has been a bad influence on me. He's the one who's ... more...