Humor Articles

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 12th October 2007 @ 1:41 AM

Health is something we take for granted - like air and water. Air and water, however, are becoming more and more polluted. There's a message there. I remember when the message was that our body was our temple. It still is, but we go to McDonald's and Ben & Jerry's more than we go to temples. Being well depends on five things: genetics, diet, exercise, attitude and sleep. Genetics are like weather - we can't change them; but we can change diet. Recently I was di... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 7:57 PM

Supposedly there's a reason for everything. If there is, I must have had a case of the "reverse Midas touch" yesterday. Whatever I touched turned to fool's gold. I stained a window shade trying to clean it, I broke the kitchen scale by dropping it on the floor and I scratched the dining room tile by moving chairs. Supposedly things happen in three's, but they didn't yesterday. I also screwed up a computer program by not knowing what I was doing. Thankfully, I ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 7:40 PM

Some say youth is wasted on the young. Not me. By middle age I was too tired for 1am feedings, the terrible two's and the truculent teens. I remember one too many days when sibling rivalry shook the house. The only thing that preserved my sanity was thinking that in twenty or thirty years my boys would be having the same problems with their children. If it weren't for the younger generation think about how many rappers, junk food purveyors and manufacturers of oversized clothes... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 6:32 PM

According to scientists - who haven't seen my home - eating at home, in what they call a controlled environment, is healthier and safer than eating out. Wrong. Life isn't safe. Eating yesterday's leftovers might not be safe either. I'm willing to take my chances and eat out as often as possible - as long as I don't have to eat fast food. Restaurants with neon signs, drive-through windows and menus on the wall give eating out a bad name. Truth in advertising shoul... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 6:18 PM

Eating out and dining out are very different. When you eat out, little planning is involved, you probably don't have to change clothes and you don't think twice about the cost. Dining out, however, requires reservations; wearing an outfit you'd wear to church if you went to church; and considerable expense. You're paying for white, unstained table linens; silverware that matches; and glasses that don't have cartoon characters on them. Although the majority of wai... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 5:37 PM

Everyone agrees walking is good for us. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees about how much is good. Some say thirty minutes three or four times a week. Others say every day. Some say you should move at fifty-five percent of your maximum heart rate. Others say you should take ten thousand steps. I'm sure that improved pedometer sales, but I'm hyperactive. If I was told to take ten thousand steps a day, I'd have too much time on my hands. We've all been told not to use o... more...

Humor | By Ki Gray @ Wednesday, 10th October 2007 @ 7:09 PM

There are some myths about real estate agents, many of which are not so flattering. But when it comes down to it, realtors are not too out there, and there is a logical explanation to each misconception. Let's straighten out a couple myths and facts. Myth #1: They have big hair. Fact: Though occasionally real estate agents do have big hair, most are regular people who get up in the morning just like you do, and go to work just like you do. Many realtors, in fact, are going bald... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 11:13 PM

Bargains come in all shapes and sizes. When I was in junior high, a boy gave me a going-steady ring, which I euphemistically called a friendship ring so my mother would let me wear it. Although the ring turned my finger green just about the time we were both ready to move on to greener pastures, Sam had definitely gotten more than he paid for because the ring still smelled like bubblegum. The first time I ironed was as a newlywed; and John's highly-prized, custom-made shirts smelled ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 9:25 PM

I grew up without a recipe for marriage. Before I eloped I asked my mother how to turn over an egg without breaking the yolk. Frankly, I'm not sure she knew. The women in my family are known for cooking up reasons to go out to eat - but I digress. My mother said if John complained about a broken yolk, our marriage would be in trouble. Well, we've managed to live happily ever after - partly because John doesn't like fried eggs. Shortly after we were married, both my mother... more...

Humor | By Ajeet Khurana @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 8:00 PM

When I need a chuckle, I try to watch a sitcom or read the funnies. When my need for comedy is greater, then I invest my time in watching a complete movie. But when nothing but the funniest will do, I just observe the so-called real world around me. The fact that this is really happening makes all the weird stuff all the more funny. To begin with, one tends to have a basic expectation of common sense from people. But the word common is misleading, as most often what we would classify as c... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 7:33 PM

When a project's finished months after its completion date or a debt's repaid long after it was due or a guest arrives hours after expected, we tell ourselves better late than never. But is it? Passengers on the Titanic, who might have been late arriving for their voyage, would have preferred to have never arrived at the dock. I don't want the Grim Reaper to be late. I want him never to come. In the 2000 presidential election the Supreme Court ruled the Florida vote... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 4:43 PM

Books are like candy. Not everyone likes the same kind. I like mysteries - the more twists and turns in the plot and the redder the herrings, the better. What I don't like are writers who take the mystery out of mysteries by summing up all the clues in the last two pages. If the butler did it, I want to follow the clues - not be treated like a clueless reader. John's genre of choice is self-help. "Is Your Working Identity Unknown?" "Recreating Yourself - Again",... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 3:22 PM

I can never say I never win anything again. I bought a church raffle ticket and won a spa weekend for two. John is definitely not the spa type, but he agreed to go because he's the free type. We went for early morning walks, late night Jacuzzis and draped our bodies over pool, lounge chairs in between. I was so relaxed I didn't discover there was a gift shop until the second day. John reluctantly agreed to pry himself from his chair and have a massage with me, but then ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 12:06 PM

Why should I save for a rainy day? In spite of living in Southern California, I have two umbrellas. I'm more than ready. The jar of found money on my bureau isn't for a rainy day. It's what my grandmother called mad money. It's for something I don't need - something frivolous. Okay, I haven't been able to think of anything frivolous to spend it on yet. I'm a transplanted, practical-to-the-point-of-paranoia New Englander - which explains why I have ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 11:30 AM

Life is a numbers game. Gas prices always end with nine-tenths of a cent. I want the U.S. Mint to make a one-tenth cent coin so I don't have to overpay for gas I'm already overpaying for. 7-Eleven stores started appearing across the country in the 1950's. By being open from 7 am until 11 pm, they put convenience in convenience shopping - so much convenience there are more 7-Elevens than McDonalds. Now there are supermarkets, pharmacies and restaurants that are open tw... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 8:50 AM

Life is relationships. Senator Clinton said it takes a village to raise a child. I wholeheartedly agree. If it weren't for the village of school, after-school activities, camp, friends and family, this mother would have qualified as the village idiot. As my children grew up, I discovered it takes a village to decide on a family vacation - especially after my sons learned the democratic principle of one person, one vote. Being a family of four often made it hard to get a majority vot... more...

Humor | By Bradley C Smith @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 7:27 AM

According to Wikipedia, MySpace is a social networking website offering an interactive, user-submitted network of friends, personal profiles, blogs, groups, photos, music, and videos. A big part of social networking involves personality, and thus Myspace layouts are becoming more popular by the day. To those who do not know, Myspace layouts are sort of like the central computer of your Myspace page. Myspace layouts are not hard to use, in fact anyone that can create a Myspace profile can easi... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 5:41 AM

Defining trivia as being unimportant trivializes its importance to me. I love to be surprised by who-knews. Who-knews aren't furry, little creatures that escaped from a Star Wars movie. They're the unexpected facts that make us stop whatever we're doing and say, "Who knew?" The Guinness World Records book wouldn't be a book if people didn't enjoy being surprised by trivia. For example, a woman in Illinois can pop her eyeballs .43 inches beyond her eye s... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 3:53 AM

Grocery shopping was hazardous to my health. There I was in the supermarket, struggling with an almost overflowing shopping cart that had just developed one of those go-only-one-way wheels, when a passer-by kiddingly said, "Boy, you eat a lot". Suddenly I looked at my cart differently. Captain Crunch Cereal - no, Matey, that's not for me. Double-stuffed Oreos - I wouldn't eat anything called double-stuffed. Just the word stuffed is an uncomfortable reminder of how I fee... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 9th October 2007 @ 3:50 AM

The rules of good nutrition keep changing. Coffee's good for me, it's bad for me, everything in moderation is fine for me. Stop! This revolving door approach to what is and isn't good for me is making me indignantly dizzy. Scientists can put men on the moon. Why can't they figure out what I can put in my stomach? If it were up to me, there'd be five, basic, unchanging rules. Rule #1 would be to eat a balanced meal. Before you scowl and complain about not being abl... more...