Humor Articles

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 28th November 2007 @ 11:07 PM

Marriage counseling is a big decision. So is deciding how to tell your family. Being a typical male, John suggested telling them that marriage is like a car and counseling is like maintenance. Being a typical female, I worried family members would think our warranty had expired and we were going to look for new models. Because marital problems are often explained by "taking two to tango", I suggested telling family that counseling is like dancing lessons. John vetoed this... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 4:49 PM

Parties are meant to be fun; but when I open an invitation, I hear my grandmother saying, "Every invitation accepted is a party promised". It's hard to open an invitation with my fingers crossed. What do I wear when the invitation says "casual chic"? That's an invitation to Judgment Day. No matter what I wear, there'll be an invisible sign across my chest saying, "I think I look chic". I'm tempted to wear yellow feathers and pretend the invitat... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 12:44 AM

As a tyke I remember Santa Claus and the big to do at Christmas. Maybe it was more important back then...today the affluence and indifference of our modern angst has probably diminished both Christmas' and Santa's influence. If marketers in fact invented Santa then they did one heckuva job. From the earliest times I could remember 'what is Santa bringing you this year' or 'did you write Santa a letter yet? 'Have you been a good little boy this year?'... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 26th November 2007 @ 3:28 PM

There are five seasons - spring, summer, fall, winter - and flu. Soon television, radio and newspaper reporters will be tracking the path of fevered wheezings across the country; and we'll be updated about how many achy, nauseous victims have been left in its wake. I thought I was one of them. I woke up feeling like I needed life support from the Energizer Bunny. I looked pale and my eyes were watery. Happily, it wasn't the flu. Those were allergy symptoms. It seems I'm al... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Sunday, 25th November 2007 @ 12:42 AM

Or is it Argentine? At the first International Dance Championship in Buenos Aires, Argentinean judge and newspaper reporter Jorge Lafauci was recorded as saying that the "Mexicans are the ugliest; the only good looking Mexicans are on TV". Now we all know from our history and our current events that Argentineans are a squirrelly bunch. Maybe it's the water, maybe it's the air, maybe it's because Argentina is located so far away from anything that isolation c... more...

Humor | By dror klar @ Saturday, 24th November 2007 @ 10:22 PM

One normally equates the family bathroom as a place to wash away the day's cares and worries. It is the place where one can relax in a long, leisurely soak in a bathtub filled with hot, sudsy water or a steaming shower to wash away the grime of the outside world. This is also the room where one goes to prepare to meet the world. In this room we wash, curl, or straighten our hair. We put on our make up, brush, floss, and whiten our teeth. We smooth our heels and lotion our skin. This ... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Saturday, 24th November 2007 @ 5:59 PM

"That lady Madalyn O'Hair got murdered because she took prayer out of schools," said the man on the news. I once interviewed Mad Madalyn. I also knew she got murdered because she was cheap and exploited her employees at the Atheist Center in Austin, Texas, not because of prayer in schools. Mad Madalyn hired and exploited one too many rehabbing felons and paid the price. Madalyn wasn't murdered for prayer in school; just like Jesus (gasp) she was murdered for pieces... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 21st November 2007 @ 11:03 PM

The good news is my husband believes everything has a place. The bad news is the place is wherever he puts something down. As a newlywed, I was an enabler - otherwise known as John's live-in pick-up. I folded clothes and put them away until my enthusiasm folded. Three years later things changed. John became a father. When he came home, he had to stop setting everything on the kitchen table. Instead, he had to set a good example. Like father, like sons. They had a place for everythin... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 21st November 2007 @ 2:03 PM

What do remodeling and marriage have in common? Compromise. Saying, "I do" was the beginning of saying "we" and saying we wanted to remodel our new house was the beginning of saying "why". The remodeling of the bathrooms was meant to start today, but it's been postponed. The contractor's contract couldn't be "holier" if it had been carved on a stone tablet and brought down from a mountain. Nevertheless, the hardwood floors are done, ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 21st November 2007 @ 1:39 PM

How do you recapture youth? People over forty want to know. If you see a man over forty wearing an ace bandage, a brace or a cast on any part of his body, you see a man who's been injured in the battle against getting old. Whether his battlefield was a basketball court, a football field or a ski slope, the bad guys were younger. As this wounded warrior "becomes less young", there will be more and more guys to battle; and they'll hurt his ego more than his body. Eventua... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Wednesday, 21st November 2007 @ 12:37 AM

Bad Boy China is finally ticking off the sensitive diversity folks in my barrio. Somehow lead contaminated products were easier to take; after all, lead kills slowly. Lead is not nearly as dramatic as say a date rate drug coated toy that sends infants into nasty comas. When the story first broke my first reaction was how horrible for the kids and the second reaction was how the hell did such a drug comes to be on an infant's toy? The answer is not apparent and it took a bit of poking... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 19th November 2007 @ 4:40 PM

When I wasn't looking, some words disappeared - like haberdasher. In 1960 we stopped needing a name for someone who sells men's hats. That's when John F. Kennedy went hatless to his inauguration. That's when men stopped wearing hats. When women went to work in a man's world, they stopped wearing hats. That's when we stopped needing milliner, a name for someone who sells ladies hats. Caps are the thing now - baseball caps. Printed with names of businesses, sp... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 16th November 2007 @ 10:43 PM

They say you don't know someone until you walk a mile in his shoes. If you walked a mile in mine, you'd have to walk in heels. I'm more comfortable in heels than flats - usually. My luggage was lost when my husband and I went to Costa Rica. Lost luggage wasn't a surprise. Wearing heels to climb over volcanic rock from a live volcano was. Because hiking in heels was hazardous to my health, I did what I had to do to make sure my luggage was found the next day. I bought ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 16th November 2007 @ 6:52 PM

Who knew the "for better or for worse" part of my wedding vows would get better and better? When you're opposites, one spouse supposedly balances the other. I don't think so. If you're deaf, it affects your balance. If you're deaf to the beliefs and needs of your partner, wouldn't it affect the balance of your marriage? John and I may have been opposites when we attracted, but time changes all things. Now we agree on lots of things - like agreeing to disagree. more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 15th November 2007 @ 7:27 PM

Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses - well, they didn't until eyeglasses became a fashion statement. Now people spend hundreds of dollars on designer frames. Designer frames are a status symbol. They're for others to see you can afford them - but they're not for me. I can't see them when I'm wearing them; and when I'm not wearing them, I can't find them. Instead, I buy mini magnifiers at the drug store; and I don't think it... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Thursday, 15th November 2007 @ 4:04 PM

It had to happen sooner or later on what is considered the most beautiful campus in the United States. With a population of over 20,000 and more coming, the University of California at Santa Cruz has to build some additional parking. That's because many of the streets on Westside Santa Cruz now require residential permits. UCSC has more students than parking spaces so freshmen cannot park on campus. Hence the new parking lot. Unfortunately the new parking lot will require downing so... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Thursday, 15th November 2007 @ 3:36 PM

You know who you are. You've turned over your locus of self control for the collective good. You've given up your mind and soul for others. You have adopted the standards and norms that are acceptable to many people some of the time. You have in fact, dumbed down. Why do you feel like you've entered the twilight zone of arrested development and whatever potential you once had left with your divorce settlement? OK. I know. You are expecting some words of co... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Thursday, 15th November 2007 @ 3:33 PM

At least on this planet, the USA is considered the leading democratic nation and by many scorecards the hands down numero uno country in the world. What the rest of the world is finally beginning to understand is that we in the U.S. have worked incessantly to improve and hone our political system until it is the envy of the world and the pride of every hearth and barbecue pit in our great land. Almost. A great example of how we are envied is our current 2008 election campaign. On the... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 14th November 2007 @ 1:40 AM

Whatever happened to the past seven or eight hours? That's what I ask myself when the alarm clock goes off. Because I feel like I just closed my eyes, it's hard to believe it's time to get up. Maybe I should make myself wake up during the night so I can appreciate having been asleep. I'm at the age when there are lots of "whatever happened to's" in my life - like glasses. Although I have pairs strategically located throughout the house, I can't see ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 12th November 2007 @ 3:36 PM

Front doors say as much about who lives in a house as names on mailboxes do. Natural wood, for example, says casual and unpretentious - unless the owners of the house have been married for so long they've gotten used to the weather-beaten look. Glass, on the other hand - the one turning the highly polished, brass doorknob - says secure, at peace and nothing to hide. It also says the owners aren't likely to cast the first stone. Stained glass says the same things glass do... more...