Humor Articles

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 14th December 2007 @ 3:54 AM

I hadn't spent the night in a hospital since I had my last child and more than diapers have changed. I'd had fond memories of a caring nurse remaking my bed after helping me to the bathroom. Not anymore. This time when I rang for help, what I got was a yell from the desk nurse, telling me the nursing assistant - the only nursing assistant - was busy. Obviously, when you're in a haven of healing, a room with a view isn't necessary; but it sure helps to be in view of the nurses... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 13th December 2007 @ 12:58 AM

Lists are for forgettables. When I was a newlywed, however, the one for the supermarket was more about what not toA get in order not to go over budget. If it wasn't listed, we couldn't afford it - unless it was tissues or toilet paper. We always needed those and they never spoiled. When I travel, I always have a checklist. Everything I've taken anywhere is listed. All I have to do is cross off what I don't need for a particular trip and decide how many of what's ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 13th December 2007 @ 12:54 AM

Whatever happened to truth in advertising? I live in Los Angeles, where what you see isn't necessarily what you get. Face lifts, breast implants, liposuction - we're walking billboards for plastic surgery. I often walk past an apartment complex named Ocean Heaven. It sounds heavenly, but it's three blocks from the ocean. Downtown there's a sign on a new condo complex that says "Living above LA". I'm not sure if that means it's high living or ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 7:17 PM

Who needs casinos - life is a gamble! Just getting out of bed in the morning is a gamble. I could fall in the tub, have an accident on the way to work, get fired, choke on dinner or trip and fall while I'm putting on my pajamas. I get out of bed and play the game because it's the only game in town. When I was learning to play the marriage game, there was a fifty-fifty chance of a good meal. The first - and only time - John brought someone home for dinner without warning me wasn... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 7:12 PM

Dining out is easy. It's the where that's hard. If I want dependable, the "d" in delicatessen is for dependable. The thickness of the pastrami sandwiches might vary and sometimes the matzo ball soup is thicker; but when I go to a deli, I know what to expect. I also know who's going to serve me. If you're under fifty, you shouldn't be a deli waiter. Comfort food should be served by someone who makes you feel comfortable. In LA most waiters are out-of-work ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 7:02 PM

The time from Thanksgiving through New Year's should be called the "holidaze". Invitations to drop by, invitations for cocktails, invitations for dinner - I'm holidazed by it all. What to wear? Several years ago I decided to simplify my life by wearing black - solids, prints, stripes - basically black. Because of this decision I don't have a holiday sweater. I don't have one piece of red or green clothing. What I have is Johnny Cash'itis; but happily, eve... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 2:15 AM

Criticism - Aristotle said that we could avoid it be saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing. Benjamin Franklin said that any fool can criticize and most fools do. According to Errol Flynn, it didn't matter what people said about you - just what they whispered. Then there was my grandmother. She said that sticks and stones could break my bones, but names would never hurt me - but she didn't stop there. My grandmother took it one step further. She told me to use the sticks and s... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 5th December 2007 @ 12:14 AM

My grandmother called them "Gullibles Travels". These were trips Americans took to other countries before they saw America. She wanted Americans to see the treasures in their own backyards. When I lived outside New York City, the United Nations, the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island were treasures. Now I live in Los Angeles; and the treasures are Rodeo Drive, Mann's Chinese Theater and the Hollywood sign - more histrionics than history. My personal history started i... more...

Humor | By Joshua Watson @ Tuesday, 4th December 2007 @ 2:17 PM

There are literally millions of people that are striving each and everyday to make an easy buck online. The idea of making money online and especially, making money on eBay, is not new. In fact, the eBay market is a little too saturated if you ask me. With all the nail-biting, finger-clawing, head to head competition for bids on eBay, I thought it would be nice to take a step back and poke some fun at the eBay rush. Below is a list of the top 10 signs that your addicted to eBay. Anyone t... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 3rd December 2007 @ 8:49 PM

Stress is bad for our blood pressure, cholesterol and heart. It causes eczema, migraines and ulcers. The only good thing about stress is knowing there's nothing good about it - unless you're a pharmaceutical company. Pharmaceutical companies make millions selling us tranquilizers and other anti-anxiety medications. They profit from our frenzied physical conditions - unless we find a natural remedy. I've tried deep breathing exercises, but I take in too much oxygen ... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 30th November 2007 @ 9:11 PM

Let's hear it for shopping malls! They're not just for shopping anymore. Now they're multi-dimensional destinations, capitalistic creations of convenience, places to shop and stop - for services. You can have your nails manicured and your eyes examined. You can have your shoes repaired and your body put back in shape. Today's developers put the "all" in mall. The "all" includes child care. Whether they're called kiddie camps, tot lots or play pris... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 29th November 2007 @ 9:25 PM

Is creativity inherited or taught - or both? Because my mother believed that handmade gifts were better than store-bought ones, I made gifts for my grandparents every gift-giving occasion. As soon as I was old enough to use scissors and glue, I turned cans into pencil holders, Popsicle sticks into trivets and shirt cardboards into picture frames. When I was a child, I felt sorry for my grandparents. Now when I look at the sticker-covered boxes, paper Mache bowls and clay figures that my sons mad... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 28th November 2007 @ 11:07 PM

Marriage counseling is a big decision. So is deciding how to tell your family. Being a typical male, John suggested telling them that marriage is like a car and counseling is like maintenance. Being a typical female, I worried family members would think our warranty had expired and we were going to look for new models. Because marital problems are often explained by "taking two to tango", I suggested telling family that counseling is like dancing lessons. John vetoed this... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 4:49 PM

Parties are meant to be fun; but when I open an invitation, I hear my grandmother saying, "Every invitation accepted is a party promised". It's hard to open an invitation with my fingers crossed. What do I wear when the invitation says "casual chic"? That's an invitation to Judgment Day. No matter what I wear, there'll be an invisible sign across my chest saying, "I think I look chic". I'm tempted to wear yellow feathers and pretend the invitat... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 12:44 AM

As a tyke I remember Santa Claus and the big to do at Christmas. Maybe it was more important back then...today the affluence and indifference of our modern angst has probably diminished both Christmas' and Santa's influence. If marketers in fact invented Santa then they did one heckuva job. From the earliest times I could remember 'what is Santa bringing you this year' or 'did you write Santa a letter yet? 'Have you been a good little boy this year?'... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 26th November 2007 @ 3:28 PM

There are five seasons - spring, summer, fall, winter - and flu. Soon television, radio and newspaper reporters will be tracking the path of fevered wheezings across the country; and we'll be updated about how many achy, nauseous victims have been left in its wake. I thought I was one of them. I woke up feeling like I needed life support from the Energizer Bunny. I looked pale and my eyes were watery. Happily, it wasn't the flu. Those were allergy symptoms. It seems I'm al... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Sunday, 25th November 2007 @ 12:42 AM

Or is it Argentine? At the first International Dance Championship in Buenos Aires, Argentinean judge and newspaper reporter Jorge Lafauci was recorded as saying that the "Mexicans are the ugliest; the only good looking Mexicans are on TV". Now we all know from our history and our current events that Argentineans are a squirrelly bunch. Maybe it's the water, maybe it's the air, maybe it's because Argentina is located so far away from anything that isolation c... more...

Humor | By dror klar @ Saturday, 24th November 2007 @ 10:22 PM

One normally equates the family bathroom as a place to wash away the day's cares and worries. It is the place where one can relax in a long, leisurely soak in a bathtub filled with hot, sudsy water or a steaming shower to wash away the grime of the outside world. This is also the room where one goes to prepare to meet the world. In this room we wash, curl, or straighten our hair. We put on our make up, brush, floss, and whiten our teeth. We smooth our heels and lotion our skin. This ... more...

Humor | By Jack Deal @ Saturday, 24th November 2007 @ 5:59 PM

"That lady Madalyn O'Hair got murdered because she took prayer out of schools," said the man on the news. I once interviewed Mad Madalyn. I also knew she got murdered because she was cheap and exploited her employees at the Atheist Center in Austin, Texas, not because of prayer in schools. Mad Madalyn hired and exploited one too many rehabbing felons and paid the price. Madalyn wasn't murdered for prayer in school; just like Jesus (gasp) she was murdered for pieces... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 21st November 2007 @ 11:03 PM

The good news is my husband believes everything has a place. The bad news is the place is wherever he puts something down. As a newlywed, I was an enabler - otherwise known as John's live-in pick-up. I folded clothes and put them away until my enthusiasm folded. Three years later things changed. John became a father. When he came home, he had to stop setting everything on the kitchen table. Instead, he had to set a good example. Like father, like sons. They had a place for everythin... more...