Humor Articles

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 6th May 2008 @ 3:39 PM

How relaxed would you like to be? I'd like to be so relaxed I could be in the same room with a spider without it freaking me out. Although my husband has repeatedly suggested I try aversion therapy, allowing spiders to crawl on me sounds like a "Survivor" episode I wouldn't survive. My husband also tries reminding me that spiders are God's creatures too. Then I remind him that female spiders eat their mates. Learning to relax takes practice. Whenever I get ready to... more...

Humor | By Jack Sinclair @ Monday, 28th April 2008 @ 10:58 AM

I hear it all the time. The people on twitter are twits, twittering tales of hairballs and haircuts. Bloggers have been moaning about the noise on twitter, and predicting the date the site will close down, yet twitter remains a powerful communications force in the online world. I think it has something to do with that thing they call API...the stuff programmers use to talk to twitter and make other tools that use twitter information for something else. I didn't really understand w... more...

Humor | By Andy West @ Monday, 28th April 2008 @ 7:20 AM

Let's face it. We all love the Internet and its wealth of quick knowledge and information but it has also caused us all our fair share of misery. Viruses have destroyed our hard drives, financial and sexual predators lay lurking in the shadows and everything else that could possibly be unpleasant is never more than a click of the mouse away. So in order to not let the world of fast information get you down, it is important to stay in touch with your sense of humor, especially... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 26th April 2008 @ 10:11 PM

"Rich Man, Poor Man" was a game I played as a child. The first button on my clothes was rich man - the second was poor man. Buttons three through eleven were beggar man, thief, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, soldier, sailor, tinker, tailor. My last button foretold who I would marry. The game hasn't changed, but my definition of husband material has. As a child I thought a millionaire was a rich man. I didn't know about taxes and income brackets. Now I think a rich man is... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 24th April 2008 @ 11:25 AM

With Daylight Saving Time it can be an hour earlier or later than you think - unless you live in Arizona or Hawaii, where they don't fool with Mother Nature. Congress, of course, can't resist fooling with her and has repeatedly changed the dates on which Daylight Saving Time begins and ends. As a law-abiding citizen, I sprang ahead an hour on my bedside clock. Who knew my new clock did that automatically. As a result, I woke up two hours ahead - and it's not good to fool with this... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 19th April 2008 @ 3:55 AM

The term "inner child" applies to our emotional body. Psychologist Carl Jung called it the "divine child", spiritual leader Emmet Fox called it the "wonder child" and I call it my reason for not having to act grownup all the time. We all have an inner child; we just talk about it differently. Pablo Picasso said, "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up". Dr. Seuss said, "Adults are obsolete children" and Wo... more...

Humor | By Catherine Harvey @ Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 3:05 PM

There are many activities to be indulged in to avoid the boredom that comes from driving but few of them are legal and most require that you remove at least one hand from the wheel with the possible implications of being stopped for careless driving. If you have to travel but are easily bored, try using chauffeur car hire to get around and then indulge yourself in all sorts of fun. Dancing is one possibility. Many a time, my daughter and I have made up our own version of the hand jive whi... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 15th April 2008 @ 1:27 AM

Sometimes Americans can have too much of a good thing - like artificial sweeteners. Pink packets of Sweet & Low turned iced tea into my drink of choice. Sweet & Low, however, contains saccharin, which can have a bitter taste, which opened the market to Equal in 1965. The blue packets of Equal contain aspartame, which caused a health scare, which opened the market to Splenda's yellow packets in 1999. In the $1.5 billion business of artificial sweeteners, Splenda outsells Equal, which outsell... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 11:01 PM

They say lightening doesn't strike twice, but no one would have said that to Virginia Park Ranger, Roy Sullivan. Between the years 1942 and 1977 he was struck by lightening seven times - once each in his ankle, his leg, his chest and his shoulder and three times in his head. Ranger Sullivan died in 1983 - but not because he broke his own record for lightening strikes. He died from a broken heart. Perhaps the woman of his dreams didn't think marrying the "Human Lightening Rod" w... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 10th April 2008 @ 4:33 PM

I understand the principles of dieting - use up more calories than you take in or take in fewer calories. No seconds, don't finish everything on your plate, chew every mouthful sixteen times - I know the rules. I just don't follow them all the time. That's why I'm thankful there aren't calories in my words - I might have to eat them. Most nutritionists say to eat whatever you want, just eat in moderation. A dish of ice cream, a slice of cake, a few cookies - mode... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 9th April 2008 @ 10:29 PM

I admit it. I'm mechanically challenged. What I know about cars is you start them with a key and stop them with breaks. One of the first cars I drove was my mother's Thunderbird. Today's cars have mechanized voices that tell you what to do. My mother's Thunderbird had dashboard lights that were meant to tell me what to do. It was a much simpler system, but a much more expensive one. It cost over $5,000 to change a burnt-out, oil light. Of course, that included the cost of rep... more...

Humor | By Neil Ebsworth @ Monday, 7th April 2008 @ 10:21 PM

Its a simple question to ask, 'Whats so funny?' but if you sit down and think about it, it's not so easy to answer. In some respects it's an eternal question with no one correct answer. Ask a comedian who is successful about what is it that makes the audience laugh? Why are you so funny? The reply you will probably get, is a litany of stories about the years that they spent 'doing the circuit', rooms full of drunks and the nights they died on stage and never got a l... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Monday, 7th April 2008 @ 11:59 AM

Motivation comes in different shapes and sizes. Before Abraham Lincoln was elected president, he lost seven elections for public office. Thomas Edison tried over 2,000 experiments before he got his light bulb to work. Col. Sanders was rejected by over 1,000 restaurants before he found one interested in his secret recipe. Obviously, to be successful you not only need motivation, you need plan B. In 1950 Mother Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India and spread her mi... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Thursday, 3rd April 2008 @ 8:46 PM

Think savings - think bank. I remember being given lollipops at the bank when I was a little girl. That's when banks gave toasters for opening new accounts and gave calendars for Christmas. Banks have changed. Now some give free checking accounts, some give free use of ATM's and some give free safety deposit boxes. Some banks have high-yield money market accounts and others have super-high-yield accounts. Getting everything you want in one place isn't something you can bank on any... more...

Humor | By Bob Alexander @ Thursday, 3rd April 2008 @ 2:38 AM

When the final chapter in my life's story has been written and work on the screenplay for the movie begins, someone will be faced with the difficult assignment of deciding who will play me on the big screen. It won't be an easy task because it will take an actor of the first water to capture the true essence of me. My life has had the same assortments of successes and failures, tears, both of joy and of sorrow, grand excitement and heart-rending disappointments as everyone else... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Wednesday, 2nd April 2008 @ 4:58 PM

Advertisers buy time on television shows based on demographics - statistical data showing the age, sex, income, etc of viewers. More men watch sports. More women watch daytime talk shows. More children watch cartoons. By knowing who's watching what when, advertisers can spend promotion dollars with an ad-vantage. The Ab Rocket ads appeal to men and women. For $99.99 and five minutes a day, the Ab Rocket promises to turn flab into fab - that's why the ad works. The reason the A... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Tuesday, 1st April 2008 @ 6:14 PM

In 1891 William White invented a coffin that's equipped with an emergency, signaling device in case you are buried alive. The coffin also comes with a convenient air hole for immediate resuscitation. This coffin would be the perfect gift for sound sleepers and for people who say they have everything. Literally, it's a gift to die for. In 1924 a patent was issued for the Lip Clip. Today women want big, Angelina-Jolie-type lips; but back then women wanted to emphasize the cupid&#... more...

Humor | By Catherine Harvey @ Tuesday, 1st April 2008 @ 5:03 AM

The complicated process of changing an ink cartridge is something that has baffled scientists for many years. Despite developments of so-called 'easy change' ink cartridges, removal and replacement still leave even the most dextrous of us dumbfounded. It also leaves us covered in ink. Not just a smudge of something that adds colour to your boring office attire and could look pass for a brooch if splashed in the right place but a great big, monstrous indelible ink stain that cou... more...

Humor | By Mac Bartine @ Saturday, 29th March 2008 @ 7:13 AM

Big Oil, the meat industry, chemical fertilizer manufacturers and queasy people everywhere are shaking in their boots due to recent scientific and agricultural innovations brought about by worm farming. The buzz is: worms may well save the planet. Consider: worms are one of the easiest animals in the world to farm, and all you have to do to harvest 100% organic meat is to raise earthworms in organic soil. Home worm farms are a breeze to set up; they compost your fruit and vegetabl... more...

Humor | By Knight Pierce Hirst @ Friday, 28th March 2008 @ 6:31 AM

A hobby gives us a chance to do something the best we can; but because we're not being paid to do it, no one tells us we're not doing it well enough. My grandfather's hobby was collecting. He collected coins and stamps and guns and clocks. I didn't get the collector gene. The three, glass hearts on the coffee table aren't a collection - two looked too few. The four drawings by the same artist aren't a collection - they're bad judgment. In fact, judging by the p... more...